(Major spoilers ahead...)

Thanks very much for all the constructive criticism! It's very much appreciated

Anyway, I didn't make the deadline. It was today and I know I should have started earlier, but my school made that impossible... But I was doing fine yesterday night, actually, until something sort of got in the way which made me quite upset and left me in a really bad mood (and has actually made me decide to just turn gay for an undefined amount of time), and I just couldn't be arsed to get this finished by the end of today. So instead I'll just make this my own little Hamlet project and send the finished version to David myself Thanks again though!

And the rest is just, well, blah. I'm still pissed and I just watched the movie Life as a House again, so now I'm all teary and depressed as well

Also, DA's still not working properly I'm not feeling artistic at all, I just can't get the stupid mood icon to change... *sulks*

Ok, so DA is being a total bitch again so I'll just have to do it this way...

(Read More...)

Woah, what have they done to the lay-out of the journal update page? It looks... weird. Not really an improvement, if it's not just a glitch on my computer

Aaanyway, I don't want to look at my own frustration anymore when I look at my front page, so here's a nice little cover up journal. I really appreciate all the comments and advice you all gave me though, very very much. Lots of love to all of you I'll reply to all of them, it's just that things are a bit hectic now, as you might have guessed. But I'll be fine Thank you, once again.

By the way, on June 1st I went to see the Dutch version of Tarzan the musical in Scheveningen, and MY GOD! It was so beautiful! I daresay even better than the movie, which I had not expected. Well actually, you can't really compare them. But it was epic. The music and the lights and the characters flying all over the public and... *sigh* just everything. For a small impression you'll just have to look at the trailer because I can't describe the beauty of it all: [link]

Sooo... yeah, I'm gonna leave it there. Enough rambling for one journal entry

BAH! God, I really hate my life right now. I just don't know what to do with it! Stupid fucking... GAAAAHH!

Right! So I want to quit the school I'm on now. I still want to go to art academy, but not the one I'm on now. The thing is that after this year, we're supposed to choose the department we're going to work at for the remaining 3 years of our education. You can choose from things like theatre design, graphic design, fashion, product/jewellry design and fine art. I chose theatre design (costume design and stuff), because out of the departments we can choose from at our school, that is what appeals to me most. But I've been thinking, and actually, theatre design wouldn't at all be the department where I would feel happy. I really can't see myself doing that for the rest of my life. So now (after months...) I've talked about that with my parents and my mentor, and I've decided I'd much rather be doing something with animation or illustration. Problem is, the department at my school that offers those subject isn't very good. So yesterday I've been to a school which does offer those subjects. And I loved it there. When I saw what they did at the departments for animation and illustration, I immediately thought "this is what I want to do!"

So what's keeping me from going there? Well, because I've already done (or rather, am still doing) a first year at an art academy, I have the possibility of streaming in with the second year. That is, if I get in and if I don't fuck up the year I'm doing now. Those are two very big ifs. I just don't know if I'm going to finish this year properly. I just don't know! I have to talk to my mentor to see whether it's realistic to say I can still finish this year. Otherwise I'm only fooling myself, and I've done that long enough now, and I'm sick of it.

And then there's always the option to start from scratch on that other school. I'm not particularly fond of the idea of having to go through that first year again, but it does seem like a good idea because then I'll get to know the new school, and I can decide if I really want to do animation or illustration. BUT SOMEHOW, my mum doesn't seem to want to hear any of that. She desperately wants me to finish this year and get in on that second year of animation. And even if I do finish my first year, I don't know if I'm ready for that! It would all have to be very last-minute and I just want to think it over properly. It's my LIFE we're talking about here. Not some stupid course I'm going to take whenever I feel like it. And now she thinks I'm lazy and uninterested. And FUCKING HELL, if there's something I'm NOT, it's that! I want this!! I really do! I've just totally had it with this year. I've worked my bleeding arse off and I didn't make it, and now I just can't give anymore. I understand she can't see that because she's not in my position, but I'd want to see her last TWO WEEKS in my school...

GAH! Ok... rant over, for now. Sorry about all the swearing but I just needed to get this off my chest...

Oh and by the way, I've still got about 250 messages about people who faved and watched me. I appreciate it all SO MUCH and thank you thank you thank you, but I can't keep up with them and at the moment I don't feel like thanking everyone individually. You all know I love you, right?